Square pegs, round holes

As you may, or may not know, at the time of writing this blog, in late 2023, I am on the cusp of turning fifty. However, it is only within the most recent of those fifty years, that I received a diagnosis of being autistic, as well as suffering from ADHD.

Though many may consider this to be a shortcoming, and something to be embarrassed about, instead I have embraced it. Though not as an excuse, but rather as an explanation for things, as it has enabled me to gain an insight why so many things over the previous forty-nine years have gone the way they have.

Such as attempts at promotion to a supervisory role, two occasions some twenty years apart in two different jobs, though both failed for the same reason, which is nothing that any training could overcome.

So, why the title “square pegs, round holes?”

Well, the way I see it, society carves out a round hole for everyone to fit into, one that comes with expectations, and it someone don’t fit in that hole, then they’re often seen as defective, whilst the reason someone doesn’t fit is often no fault of their own, though as humans, essentially a pack animal, we yearn, strive to belong.

However, it is a fundamental, and practical impossibility for a square peg to adequately, and effectively fit into a round hole, it just can’t be done, at least not without leaving space all around, or resorting to distort itself, in shaving its corners off.

Now, where my diagnosis has helped me significantly, is in understanding this anomaly, in accepting that I will never fit in this hole as defined by society.

Also, I feel that the stress, depression, and anxiety I have previously been diagnosed with came from trying to make that peg adequately fit.

But now I am aware that it won’t fit, I won’t fit, so have stopped causing myself stress in trying to just that, knowing that I am content to be me.

As part of the neurodiverse community, I know that I will excel in some things, and perhaps struggle with others, and I have come to accept that, and more importantly, forgive myself, when there is a noticeable difference between the pegs and holes.